Sunday Inspiration: My Own Thoughts!

It's Palm Sunday for us Catholics (and others, too), marking the beginning of Holy Week. So, while I don't want to make this a blog about religion any more than I want to make it a blog about parenting, it is about what inspired me, and what I like to do, so those things are going to figure pretty prominently if I'm going to write honestly.

Today, it's St Peter who is on my mind. Whatever kind of person you are, if you spend some time reading the Gospels, and do just the tiniest bit of visualizing, you're going to get a bold and bright picture of this guy. He's larger than life, a big personality, a person who, like myself, has adopted the personal motto "To Hell With Starting Small." Take, for example, the bit where the disciples are out in a boat, a huge storm arises, and they fear for their lives. Then they see Jesus, walking on the water. All are terrified, but not Peter. He wants proof: "Lord, if it is you, command me to come out of the boat." (Though, to be fair to Jesus, that's not really his usual style.) "Come out, then," says Jesus. Well, gosh, Peter's stuck now. Jesus says come out, so, well, he'd better do it. A little forethought could have prevented this, but forethought isn't Peter's strong suit. So out he jumps, and starts walking on water. I mean, HE STARTS WALKING ON WATER!

I feel like this when I do things like decide to make Easter Dresses for all four of my daughters. Two weeks before Easter. Or to put together binders for everyone in the choir with everything we are singing from Holy Thursday to Easter Sunday, in order, so that all they have to do is turn the page - which involves filing, collating, photocopying, enlarging (gotta make it easy for them to see), typesetting, hole punching, binding, unbinding because I did something wrong, rebinding, etc. At some point, I ask myself why on EARTH I thought this was a good idea, but at another point, I find myself saying to myself "Holy crap, I'm actually doing this!"

But then the other thing happens too. The waves are so high, the wind is so strong, and people aren't supposed to be walking on water, and I get this sinking feeling (sorry for the pun). People aren't supposed to walk on water. Sometimes the Lord permits it, to make a point, but then he has to step in and save us from ourselves.

Then there's the Passion reading. Peter, again, is there drawing his sword in the garden, ready to die with Jesus, but that's not what Jesus had in mind. So he trails along behind, getting into the courtyard, hoping to catch a bit of what's going on. He's worried, he's distracted, and he's confused. And he's out of his element. Someone, just as curious about the proceedings as he is, asks if he's one of Jesus' disciples. Peter, probably thinking that he'll get kicked out and won't be there when Jesus needs him, says he is not. And then again. And again. He doesn't have any intent to repudiate Jesus in his mind, he just wants to stay warm and close to the action. The denial slips right by him.

Oftentimes, we are perfectly willing to self-immolate in the noble cause, but unable to bear a collection of small indignities. Washing the dishes EVERY DAY. Smiling at the lady in the store who says "better you than me" when she finds out you have seven children. Giving your teenager a hug when she needs you, even though it's way past your bedtime. Forgiving someone who always says that thing that sets your teeth on edge, and not even telling them that it hurts you. Saying yes, actually, I AM that's man's disciple, even if it means you have to move away from the fire.

Because after the ordeal is over, when Jesus returns, Peter jumps out of the boat (again!) and swims to shore, leaving behind a miraculously large catch of fish, eager to come face to face with Jesus again, even though the last time they were together, Peter denied that he even knew him. And Jesus puts this guy, with all his faults and strong feelings and bold impulses and poor planning skills, in charge of everyone. And he's totally the right man for the job, too!